we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Drunk is not a location!
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