Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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