I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
