we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
