so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
