I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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