it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
