I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
