Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
