in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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