You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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