A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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