Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
