I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
