Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I touched a dick in church today
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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