I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
