I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
