not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
