Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
