There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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