he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize