Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
