Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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