So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
