is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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