it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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