Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
