through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
