Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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