P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
