On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
In America we eat man semen.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
