I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
