OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize