are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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