Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
