so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
