I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Someone shattered a urinal.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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