I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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