I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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