HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
