While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
