Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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