2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
