whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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