Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
