I'm gonna have a badass scar
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
