he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sobbing to NWA
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
