Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
