I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
