i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
