hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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