Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
