i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Let's get the cat blown out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
