Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Even my vagina gasped.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
