i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
