Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
In America we eat man semen.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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