My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
