Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
