First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Terrible idea I love it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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