I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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