That's intense
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
