I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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